bury this thought deep and hidden and barely acknowledge its existence

Someday you're going to be working in your back porch office and you'll hear a little bit of rain and smell one of your favorite smells which is wet summer sidewalk and you'll decide to take a break because you barely will have had five hours of sleep anyway. You will grab your ipod and you will run out to the hammock because that seems like a glorious place to rest and feel the rain on your face.

Then you'll notice how large and empty the hammock feels.

It doesn't matter that the hammock is a particularly cuddly one that will be wrapping around you like a cocoon. You're going to be thinking of all the things that aren't anymore and all of the things you aren't saying because they seem to be fruitless things to say and this hammock will have never seemed like a dangerous place until this someday. You'll make a mental note that for the time being you should only go there when you're needing to feel sad. Once you will have finished mentally writing your mental note you'll be unsure of what to do next. Go back to work obviously, but first you will need to say something somewhere. Your blog is the regular venue for your entire parade of bursting thoughts. You'll think it's a mildly inappropriate place to let all of this out but you'll be afraid of saying things it's not fair to say so you will simply type and click the orange "PUBLISH POST" button. And it will be the way that day in your life is supposed to go.