bee-york

One thing about the work I do, I might never have any knowledge of if I've done any good in the world. Perhaps if I worked on high-grossing films or hip documentaries or pieces for nonprofits. But even then, I'm a very behind the scenes person. I research. I talk to people. I organize. Maybe if I'm lucky someone entrusts a camera to my hands. How often have you noticed in the credits way down at the end the names of the people who ruined their eyes trying to gather all the facts? 

Right now I'm not sure if I'm bringing anything to the table of either of my jobs. Miscommunication or no communication at all is fairly typical: I'm in a "creative" profession, we're all doing too many things at once. I can't expect more feedback than what I'm getting. All I can do is dream that one day at the end of a radio show they tack on my name to say I helped put that program together. Then I'll know.

But I might not. Maybe again I won't be able to shake the feeling that I've been given these work opportunities out of pure generosity. I'm not sure how much I lured employers in with my talents. The merit I have is in enthusiasm. I care, I'll work hard, I'll constantly be trying to improve.

I just keep hoping.