Does it work to write about spiritual stuff while listening to dancey electronic music? We shall see.
I like all parts of my life to be well thought out and respected: physical health, emotional (hahahahaha...HA! now there's a collection of inner turmoil: Thinking through my emotions, How I came to never feel like a crazy woman again), workful, funful, personal, social, between my toes...and spiritual. Growing up in a deeply entrenched LDS family has made me mildly obsessive (or properly obsessive, who knows) with my spiritual life. Maybe I've talked about that here before, I can't remember sometimes if I've just thought things or spewed them on this blog as well.
Strangely, there are few people I can easily talk to about spirituality. Possibly it's a reaction to growing up in a proselytizing church. It's only recently that I've been able to reconcile my love of my religion with the seemingly widely encouraged idea of introducing myself to strangers while blatantly dropping references to being Mormon and planting five Books of Mormon on every airplane I board. I'm not doing that. It seems terrible to me. In fact, it feels like some sort of betrayal to my faith and...well, me.
Where the bottom drops out of the ocean in this story I'm telling you: In sincere conversations with people I care about, I lose my voice. It matters only because my soul is run with veins of this religion, it makes up me. I want to share me with you. I don't want people to see me as a card toting member of an organized religion and think it stops there. You won't ever know me that way. We'll stop knowing each other.
But I don't know how to make me into words.
Margorie, I understand this more than you know. I too feel that my soul is run with veins of my religion and it's such a huge part of me, i have no real way of articulating it to the fullest extend it deserves... it is ever artculated. I have to say, I only recently discovered I wasn't hesitant to talk about it with people, but I too feel weird about dropping it into conversations. But it's there. It's a part of you, and as someone good with words, when the words fail you... you feel a little lost
ReplyDeleteI think that is why I was so hesitant to serve a mission, and why I was SOOO grateful that I was called to a "non-proselyting" mission; if people wanted to ask me, then I would explain. If they didn't want to find out, I could still share just by being me. I think that by just being you, people see your goodness, and that's all the Lord really wants.
ReplyDelete"It matters only because my soul is run with veins of this religion, it makes up me. I want to share me with you. I don't want people to see me as a card toting member of an organized religion and think it stops there. You won't ever know me that way. We'll stop knowing each other."
ReplyDeleteI loved this so much. Thanks for putting into words what I have been reflecting upon lately.
I listened to Henry B. Eyring today. He told of reading a talk his father gave to a conference of scientist. After reading the talk, he turned to his dad and said, "Dad, you bore your testimony!" His father replied, "I did?" He had talked about the goodness of God as seen in His creation. His intent was to simply talk about science. But he was who he was and his faith was in his soul. He did not drop it into conversations. He just shared himself as he was. His great scientific knowledge was infused with his faith. Or one could perhaps say his faith was infused with his science. But I think the real key was that he simply loved people and love casteth out fear. Some day I would like that love.
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