31 October 2011

28 October 2011

24 October 2011

a hypothesis for a question I've been asking for a long long time

We feel compelled to tell our stories to each other because we grow collectively not individually.

Chew on that and tell me what you think. Please. Because according to my new theory I only grow with you.

23 October 2011

the midwest cut me down at the knees

This morning there were grey clouds overhead and rain sprinkles on my windshield but I was out on the prairie so I could see that forever to my left and to my right was bright blue sky. This is a thing about the plains: you can watch weather in panorama, you can see what's been, what is, and what will be.

Blue Sky to the left was one of those blues so bright I think "It's amazing you're real, if somebody painted you I'd think you were fake and I'd look for the cherubs about to bust from your fluffy clouds." But underneath it are some quiet miles of farm fields. Which is almost the opposite of the fake blue sky, I used to think it was boring. But I learned as I grew older that there's a primordial hold land has inside of us if you are willing to .

In the fall it bowls me over. I throw up my hands, I surrender, I've fallen, North Dakota, you've got me. I won't ever leave you (but I will)–I love this quilt of bleached wheat and dark earth. I love your lace lines of trees.

Oh, I will leave you. We both know it. What's happened here? I feel drawn on to a career in media and research fields which keep me moving, never settling. And I like that, I want to see places, to change. Perhaps it is my generation or, at least, definitely certain subcultures of all ages, where we've perceived the blindness that can happen as you settle. Things are your way, they must go your way, why are others doing things differently? You must stop doing things differently.

I feel I should lose myself in another country, force myself to adopt different customs to instill in me the knowledge that other ways are good. As if my doing this will add understanding and some kind of karmic healing to the collective unconscious of the world. 

I also feel I don't belong here. In many ways. I could also disillusion you of any Stars Hollow notions you have faster than you can say David Lynch. These are topics for another time. 

So I'll leave.

But I'll come back.
To visit, at least.
Well, I'll always love you.
I'll always dream about the fall.

P.S. The rockstar/mythological figure debate continues. My mom votes Mick Jagger as Narcissus. 

22 October 2011

classy lady time

Check out my lady friend Kathryn's awesome stop motion video

Untitled from kitsune-kun on Vimeo.

21 October 2011

things that make me laugh

“the chances that Rimbaud will become the bible of your life are inversely proportional to the age at which you first discover him.”
-Daniel Mendelsohn–as quoted in "When you're strange: Should we consider Jim Morrison, rock's Bozo Dionysus, a real poet?" by Daniel Nester, an essay on poetryfoundation.org.

update: WAIT A SECOND, wouldn't David Bowie be the Dionysus of rock? After discussion with my sister we have decided: Mick Jagger is Dionysus and Bowie is Hermaphrodite. I mean Aphrodite. But that's not quite right either. Who's the Greek god of enjoying a good dramatic lip-sync? Would't Queen be Aphrodite? He's really looking for somebody to love, and check him in that white jumper!

What's really awkward is when you're peering through the windshield of a car in the shade and you start to realize there's a person in there looking back at you. This isn't a napping person–which you will find fairly regularly as a parking person at this college campus–this is an alert person staring back at you. "Ha, ha...Oh, hi" you'll say–as if they can hear you–you'll give a small wave of your hand and move on. 

20 October 2011

18 October 2011

I spent my morning in a parking lot, how bout you?

The campus I work at is smoke-free, which means that everyone has their smoke breaks in parking lots and alleys. I mostly find this funny, I mean, what do you mean campus is smoke-free? If the lots and the alleys aren't campus then all you have left are the buildings and one grassy quad. I don't give tickets for cigs, though, so this just gives me an audience, added incentive to put a little strut in my step and flourish in my windshield wiper release.

Here I will admit to something: I have always been intellectually ambitious. From a young age (four) I have admired people with multiple doctorates. I don't need to be acknowledged as the smartest kid in the class (because I rarely am) and I don't need to do G R E A T things and win noble prizes (I meant that). I've been thinking lately that I'd really like to be like the letter p in pterodactyl. The p is silent but in on all the action. I want to be silent p (I meant that).

So I've started my own brain growing school with several courses. Someday I'll tell you about my school of one. That's my cop out for not boring you now. You can thank me later/now/yesterday.


I have a goal to see how many times I can use this picture.

P.S. I have decided that if I ever get a life prison sentence I will read Ulysses by James Joyce.

And today is Mali Refugee Music Day (at my school of me). Enjoy!

15 October 2011

just a bit of what I have to show for myself




can't get enough of this song

13 October 2011

if this idea lasts for a week and a half we know it's real

(day two of consistent interest in archival/library science pursuits)
(day two is NBD. I had a day two for documentary theory, film theory, and film art)



12 October 2011

deer, eye cantaloupe

Sometimes library science programs are called Masters of Science in Knowledge Management. Which sounds A-MAZING.

That's what I do sometimes. I say, What if I were to get a masters in.....and then spend a few nights researching schools and programs. I could make a board game out of this.

Every job I want asks for archival or library science experience. At least I think every job....Sometimes I think some....What was it that I wanted?

I had a really great idea the other day: let's rename Daylight Standard Time (or whatever it is) to Daylight Bailout. It'd be happening. Or, might I say, the hap.

Also, I have a few things to show for myself and someday I may show them. They include a dinosaur and an infamous hand-pieced quilt.

09 October 2011

prone to wander, Lord, I feel it

A sixty mile drive to church by yourself will give you plenty of time to ponder and I had a lot of thinking to do about Boondock Saints this morning. Of course I'm enthralled by modern day (ridiculously violent and tattooed) Catholic saints– Mormons are all about modern day, hence the full name of the church: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (totally different kind of saints, you know, a little less bloody); and hence Mormons everywhere flocked to TV's, radios, and internets last weekend for General Conference to hear modern day prophets. Religious zeal of any age is captivating to me but particularly N.O.W. So I'm into prophets, obviously; and have recently become more interested in the motivation behind Muslim extremism–this is what happens when you listen to a lot of Democracy Now! podcasts as you hand out parking tickets for a living; and then there's those Boondock Saints (not related to Val Kilmer's The Saint).

The other thing that I have a lot of time to ponder is the dash of the Honda Civic Hybrid I get to drive. It tells you lots of things that other cars might not which is what led me to drive 65 mph home today. That wind really kills your miles per gallon I tell ya what. Note: speed limit is 75 and there are a few people driving slower than me. At 65 I really began to appreciate the subtle differences of rust, orange, green, the dried corn and bleached wheat of the fields. A gentle little slope here and there, the texture of the different grasses, the heavy mist. Geese flying around. These are things I see but don't absorb as well at faster speeds. I enjoyed myself but still felt like I was moving backwards compared to everyone else. At this point in my mullings I realized, THIS IS A METAPHORE FOR MY LIFE. I love this time I get to meditate, spend time with my parents, consider religious covenants, sort through my life–but I feel as though I'm taking a heck of a time getting to where I'm going. I've got nothing to show for myself and everyone else seems to be skipping right along...Have you felt that dichotomy? "I'm doing what I need and I love it" going hand in hand with "am I a bumbling bum?"

I guess they have to go together. Else what would motivate the introspection–the soul deepening searching?

Faite attention: symbolism + mobile = symobilism. Great new word, right?   

08 October 2011


When you get here we'll go straight to Ye Olde Books and Curiosities shop. Later we'll go to the Historical Museum and bring quarters to make the model trains go. If you get here today we'll go to Girl Talk tonight. I'll finish my quilt so that after the show you can curl up in it and sleep happily. Happily, which is an adverb because it's describing how you sleep. It makes me a little anxious when people mix up their adverbs and adjectives, I wonder if they realize what they're saying. How are you doing? Should be answered with I am doing well. If someone asks you What are you doing? then you can say  I am doing good. Because you're all doing good. Do you see how that has a completely different meaning? Although not entirely unrelated because, for instance, I am more well when I am doing more good. Things are just flying out the window. Other than that, I'm not a strict grammarian. Go ahead and say anyways.

What if I go teach English in Thailand or Vietnam? I saw my passport lying on my dresser last night and thought, "You're so good looking...maybe we should go somewhere." Is that a good way to make life decisions? "Heeeeeey good lookin'/Whaaaaat you got cookin'"

I'm looking forward to today so Ima sayonara (see, not a strict grammarian). I just wanted to talk.

And if you were wondering, this is my favorite color scheme ever:

05 October 2011

Linda Ronstadt get your eagles wings here

Is everyone writing about the fall? Are you tired of it? Then go away. Stop reading. For I want to tell you about crackly leaves that fly horizontally. Or that float around like flocks of geese in the sky. It took me years to figure out why fall in Utah looked funny. There's no wind, leaves just fall straight down to a uniform circle under each tree. Doesn't that make you giggle? Oh....just me? Ok.

There's wind here and it makes everything perfect. Having a bad day? Go outside and shout "QUE SERA, SERA!" as you imagine you're dissolving like dust in the wind and blowing away. Having a good day? That's because you've got wind beneath your wings. Feeling dramatic? There's a tempest outside for you to play around in. I'm telling you, you're covered. Covered in wind. And possibly leaves. With a few acorns to bop you on the head.

04 October 2011

you heard the man! on to philadelphia!

funniest Freddy ever.

Can you figure out why they dressed the girls in pajamas that you'd only give to a girl of six or a quirky woman of 82?

03 October 2011


It's easy to get a skewed picture of what I'm doing with my life right now, I should know, I live it. Not that it matters if you are all skewered but when it's me things get crazy pretty quickly. Like today when I was thinking, Do I miss school? If I were a professor I wouldn't be giving people parking tickets. I should be a professor. If there is anything I have learned from having a father who teaches future teachers: T H I S   D O E S   N O T   Q U A L I F Y  A S   A P P R O P R I A T E  J U S T I F I C A T I O N   F O R   B E C O M I N G   A N   E D U C A T O R ! ! !

But possibly even worse is when I start wondering, Who could I marry instead of do this job? Not that marriage would negate the necessity of me working but knowing that there is no one within a 60 mile radius whom I would ever marry, ergo: move at least sixty miles = I don't do this job. This is not too strong a statement, there are not that many people in this 60MR and I know enough of them. But truth be told, I can never think of anyone in a kajillion mile radius whom I would marry right   n o w   either.


I give people parking tickets. And most of the time I remember that's not all I do.