17 February 2012

uhhhhhhhhhhh.......hi

99% of my conversations are about weather. This is just the way things are when you work outside in North Dakota, particularly in the winter.


The other 1% are with friends who are not here which means they want to hear how my life is going. I don't want to talk about how my life is going. It's not so bad as all that but I don't know anything and I get tired of sharing the current hair brained idea only to recant a couple of months later. There is a very long list of things I don't want to talk about which all happen to be things that are frequently brought up. Although, it is kind of funny when someone asks you about your Valentines plans and after a pause you respond with, "hand out parking tickets and change the light in the garage..."


Mostly I would like to talk about abstract subjects with people, since the things that make me happy these days feel even more difficult to cover in conversation than esoteric intellectual concepts. Please, partake of this excerpt of a hypothetical example conversation:


Someone else: So how is life?
Me: Well, there was a particularly beautiful sun patch on my bedroom wall this afternoon.
Someone else: That's nice.


Ugh, and just writing that example excerpt makes me feel extremely self-centered. I hope I am not and that I continue to show my very real interest in your lives. This is the worst. Because I am living a question mark I am hyper aware of myself. I'm afraid it shows. It obviously shows here as this is a blog. Blogs are the worst. I didn't want to keep writing in this one but the thing is, I do. Partly because I'm still not certain that I would remember how to talk about anything out loud if I didn't practice by publicly publishing some of my thoughts. I am a backwards person. But that's ok, semi-shy backwards people are people, too.


this is it. I quit trying to say anything today. I'm not sure if there is a reason for this. Will someone dress up like a president with me on Monday? (I will probably just wear my regular lumberjack-wannabe wear but maybe with a cottonball wig so I can be Lumberjack Washington?)

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