I have three kitchens but don't go

On my cell phone box (the mobile I detest) they tried to find a picture that would make me feel like my cell phone is a real party time. What this picture really does is make me feel like I have a cheep, cheesy, and chunky phone. And what especially gets me is the large note in the upper left-hand corner that says:

FREE
Hands-free headset
with purchase.

You see, I tried to call someone yesterday. I heard them perfectly: "Hello? Hello? Hello? There's no one there." They did not hear me perfectly: "Hello. Hello! HI! No! I AM here!!"
I was about to despair, but I'm a resourceful little dear. So I plugged in my FREE hands-free headset. It may be hands free but it's not cordless. I look so cool walking around ending a phone call and then wrapping up the headset.

On another note, the Onion-Cutter and I started fighting at the grill today. Normally I wouldn't argue like this. But it's as if he's my younger brother. He started it by imitating a chicken.
"Are you making fun of me?" I asked.
"Yeah! You're a chicken!"
"Well you're a turkey."
"You're a chicken leg!"
"Why am I not even the whole chicken?!"
Later on he told me I was a chicken head and maybe even at one point a chicken ear. I don't know Onion-Cutter kind of mumbles.